I thought I'd share Lara's blog with you today, followed by my comment. I thought the tears had stopped for a while ...
You are not a God who takes pleasure in evil."
- Psalm 5:4a
"Be merciful to me, Lord, for I am faint; O Lord, heal me, for my bones are in agony. My soul is in anguish. How long, O Lord, how long? Turn, O Lord, and deliver me. Save me because of your unfailing love."
- Psalm 6:2-4
"But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body."
- Philippians 3:20-21
It's hard to feel out of control. I watch as my little boy gets weaker and even the best doctors cannot really help him. They can treat the symptoms but there is no human cure for this horrible disease. I watched as he lost the strength to suck sufficiently to nurse. So we tried bottles but there were food allergies and even then he was eating all day long in order to barely get enough. Even now with the food going directly into his stomach, the inside muscles seem to be having a hard time processing the food and keeping it down. His outside muscles have lost the ability to stand or sit or hold up his head. It appears that my smiley, giggly child has lost the ability to smile or giggle or even cry.
I cry to God to please save my son from the horrible things that are happening to him. I treasure each time that I get to hold his hand or stroke his little cheek. Each time that my loving touch can bring him a bit of comfort. Each time that I get to hold up his head or change his diaper. Each time that his beautiful blue eyes recognize his mama. Do I dare to still hope for a miracle? To hope that I might see the day when my precious little one might walk and talk and smile? Nothing is impossible with God. I know that God is good and that he can save my son, but I am afraid that for some reason that's not his will. I'm afraid to believe and be disappointed. Mostly I am afraid of watching him suffer.
I believe. Help me, Lord, in my unbelief. Thank you for each precious moment. And thank you especially for the hope of heaven.
Posted by Lara at 12:10 PM
July 29, 2008 1:00 PM
Mom/Nana said...
Lara, from one Mama's heart to another, I feel so deeply for you and for our grandson! I, too, want to see him smile and hold his head up. We wish for such simple things, when all around us people are complaining that their child can't do this or that fantastic accomplishment. It's a good thing I hadn't read this when I was talking with you, because now I am weeping. One thing, besides your own spiritual life, is to safeguard your marriage during this time. Both of you holding tightly together in prayer over your little Timmy.
Every once in a while I think that the emotional roller coaster has ended, but to see two generations hurting is very difficult for this Nana. So I'll let the tears flow when they come. God can handle our tears, and our questions, and our pleas to find a cure (or miraculously provide one) for this disease.
This is going to be a circular blog today... Love and prayer continuously -
