God, You have my attention. But this is an adventure I never wanted to sign up for. I have started the roller coaster of emotions and thoughts, and have to remind myself of the "EVEN IF" clause.
On Monday, the 25th of June, I arrived early for my core needle biopsy. Fairly calm, actually. The prayers of my friends were lifting me up, for sure.
The staff at Edward mammography is so good at what they do, including caring for the human who is going through some trying times.
So, gowned and ready to go, I was covered in a warm blanket by Caroline, while the ultrasound tech circled the trouble spots in purple on my skin. The doctor came in and introduced herself, keeping the conversation friendly and light. Caroline held the hand that wasn't behind my head and patted my arm at various intervals.
I think I have a natural aversion for anything that may cause me to get drowsy or resist pain, because they always have to double dose me with the numbing stuff. This was no different. And they had to numb me in two different spots because they were far away enough from each other.
Then came the core needle that the doctor affectionately compared to a sewing machine sound. Four or five times per lump, then placement of the titanium marker that allows future tests to accurately see where biopsies have already been done.
I shouldn't have done it, but I did. I clung to something the doctor said and convinced myself that everything was just normal and this was all a big misunderstanding. She said something to the effect of, "The lumps collapsed when I used the needle. That's a good sign."
Apparently not enough of a good sign.
Today, I received the couched results, complete with a nurse's empathetic reminder to bring a family member to my appointment tomorrow. MyChart gives a truncated result chart, ending with the word "ABNORMAL." And swimming somewhere on the page are all the percentages of hormone resistors, etc etc.
So, from here on out, "normal" is out of the question. Now we fight. Tomorrow I will find out a bit more how that fight will look. What kinds of weapons I'll have. The length of the fight, as best they know it. And all the resources I'll have at my disposal while I'm fighting.
But in case I forget, remind me WHO has the final word. WHO has the power and the love and the wisdom and the purpose for this fight.
Yes, God, I'm guessing You are drawing me closer because I'd been wandering. This is important. I'm listening.
Let the adventure begin.
