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I don’t know how I feel about the term “cancer survivor.” I feel like I dodged a bullet somehow. Yes, I HAD breast cancer. It was removed during mastectomy surgery one year ago this morning. Clear margins. No lymph involvement (that they could discern). I did not need chemotherapy, nor did I require radiation. I am so grateful. Those women (and a few men) who have had the entire package of treatment … now, I might call them survivors. That is tough stuff. The entire process did teach me something about prayer and faith and my relationship with God. When taking a spiritual gifts assessment, my “faith” score is abysmal. But I dare say it went up a few notches since my breast cancer diagnosis. I counted on the prayers of believers—especially those who have been through this before me. They know the emotional roller coaster. They know the potential risks and outcomes. And they “lowered me through the roof” or “dragged me to the Throne Room.” When going in to surgery, I had an uncanny...

From Take Care of My Child…for a While by Joyce Sawyer Later we learned the autopsy showed the cancer had involved the breathing control center. It was a quiet, peaceful way to die. I was so afraid he would choke to death or feel strangled as he had felt so many times before, and had been so frightened. Ricky’s vital organs and cancerous parts were given for research, in hopes some other child would be helped by what was found. We learned another child was in the hospital with that same kind of cancer and was indeed benefiting from the added knowledge. [Rhonda here. If you have been touched by my mother’s story, perhaps you’d like to consider giving a donation to the American Cancer Society or make sure you are listed among those who are Organ Donors. But the most important consideration is … do you know for certain where you will be after you draw your last breath? How about those in your family? Do you know you will see them in heaven? Jesus is the ONLY Way, Truth, and Life. T...

From Take Care of My Child…for a While by Joyce Sawyer …Then on July 11, at about four Sunday afternoon, Dale came in to the living room and said Ricky’s eyes were rolling back and he was having convulsions. Dale was really shaken; it was terrible to watch and we knew death was close now. We planned to have Ricky die at home, but we realized we couldn’t handle this. He needed relief from pain and he couldn’t keep the pills down. He no longer had control of his bodily functions. He needed the help of a doctor and the hospital. Our doctor at McClellan [Air Force Base in northern Sacramento] had moved on Friday, so I called the doctors at Stanford Children’s. Dr. Wilbur was away at a convention and Dr. Long was on vacation. I felt like all our medical supports were gone. Dr. Serota was in Philadelphia and his replacement had not yet arrived at Travis [Air Force Base in Fairfield, California]. I called Mather Emergency, an Air Force hospital east of Sacramento. They said they would try to...

From Take Care of My Child…for a While by Joyce Sawyer More and more it hurt for Ricky to be moved, so he spent more and more time in bed and less in the living room. I called Dan to see if he would like to spend some time with Ricky. He came and slept on the floor in Ricky’s room. He played games and talked and rubbed Ricky’s head, which seems to ease some pain. One afternoon Ricky was on the futon in the living room and he started to scream that he was being choked and he couldn’t get his breath. The doctor just lived one block over and was home at the time. He came right over. He increased the pain medication. After that, Ricky got quiet. But in a little while he was crying again. I asked him what was the matter. “I’m not going to make it, am I?” I told him we had done everything we could; the doctors had done everything they could, and there just wasn’t any way to kill the cancer. But he would go and live with God and be strong and healthy again, and be able to play baseba...

From Take Care of My Child…for a While by Joyce Sawyer Ever since Brandon had been killed, Ricky had been asking for a dog. Since he was back and forth in the hospital, we didn’t see how we could manage it, but we finally promised that when he came home after the operation he could have his dog. As soon as we came home this time, he began asking again, so we started the search in earnest. I didn’t see how I could take care of a puppy and Ricky, too, so the dog had to be housebroken already. Ricky thought he wanted a beagle like Snoopy. One of the teachers at school had some beagle pups, but they weren’t indoor dogs. I said I would call her back. Several other people offered dogs and we said we would check them out. Then Dale walked in at suppertime with the cutest, softest six-month-old Terrier-poo in his arms. Ricky cried, “Benji!” And that’s just who he looked like. I asked Dale where he had found the dog. He said he walked in to the Highlands Pet shop and explained our situ...

From Take Care of My Child…for a While by Joyce Sawyer Too soon it was time to go home and get ready for the next trip to the hospital. I had to pack the trailer again. This was to be a longer trip because of the operation and recovery. Ricky began complaining of his neck hurting. I thought it might be because of the long trip and being tired, but it seemed I could see a lump developing. Ricky continued to complain of the pain. I gave him Tylenol, but it didn’t seem to help. Then on Tuesday, he asked to go back to the hospital. I knew he must really feel desperate if he was asking to go back. He was supposed to go on Thursday anyway, so I called to see if we could come a couple of days early. They said yes, to bring him right in. Of course, there is no “right in.” It takes three or four hours. Anyway, we put Ricky in the back seat and fixed him as well as we could and went to Stanford Children’s. They started an IV and started medication to ease the pain. The lump ...

From Take Care of My Child…for a While by Joyce Sawyer The counts were starting to drop, but nothing drastic. Ricky showed no signs of infection, so we prepared for the big trip south. The first night we stayed with relatives in Fresno. It was an easy four hour run. The next day we arrived at our trailer park in Orange. The next morning I called Stanford Children’s Hospital to see about the results of the latest blood work. The news was not good. He had no white cells at all; the hemoglobin was low, and the platelet count was less than 12,000 (50,000 is normal). Just a bump and he could bleed. Now Ricky’s temperature was 102. What to do? Here we were. Ricky was so eager to go to Disneyland. All the arrangements were made. OK, I’ll give him some aspirin. We will be careful and WE WILL GO. No one knows with what fear and trembling we made that decision. A wheelchair was provided at the gate and one of the guides gave Ricky a stuffed Mickey Mouse with a Mouseketeer hat. We went e...

From Take Care of My Child…for a While by Joyce Sawyer First we had to see if this was really feasible, so we decided to take the trailer out on Memorial Day for a trial run.  Ricky’s blood counts hadn’t started to drop yet from the chemotherapy, so he was healthy and feeling fine. He was even using his crutches some. We loaded up the trailer, only this time we included a wheelchair, urinal, bedpan, thermometer, Tylenol, and the medicine (Beta-dine) for cleaning around the pins in his head. Dale carefully lifted Ricky into the front seat of the car, with the seat tilted way back. Ricky was comfortable that way for a while, and then he needed to change and lie on his side on a sheepskin in the back seat. Of course, that way someone had to sit clear to the side and hold his feet. He thought that was a good joke. Well, we traveled half a day in the mountains looking for a place to camp, but, of course, everything was filled up that weekend. We finally found a trai...

From Take Care of My Child…for a While by Joyce Sawyer After the April chemotherapy, Dr. Long called us into his office and told us that Ricky’s X-rays and tests had all been gone over carefully and, as far as they could tell, there was no evidence of disease. Now it was possible to think about a fusion of the vertebrae in the neck and eventually, maybe at Christmas, Ricky could be out of the brace and walking around like a normal ten-year-old boy. We were all overjoyed. Ricky began talking about his bionic neck and how he would be playing football. He had one more course of chemotherapy, just to make sure, and then he could go home and get ready for his marvelous operation. The first seven vertebrae would be fused, using good bone from the upper thigh, and then he would be in a striker frame. It would be worth the long, hard recovery. We talked it all over with Ricky. He wanted to go to Disneyland before his operation. We knew that after the fusion there would be months in ...

From Take Care of My Child…for a While by Joyce Sawyer Ricky loved to play games when he was feeling well. In fact, that was a good indication of his health. He would say, “Let’s play a game.” Usually it was Aggravation. He won almost every game. He kept a little blue notebook with scores in it, such as “Mother- 0, Ricky-50,” indicating the number of games lost and won. If a game was set up, the nurse would say, “I see Ricky is feeling better; he’s going to beat his mother again.” Sometimes we played Rummy or Crazy Eights. I learned to carry a deck of cards in my purse so we could play when he was waiting his turn for a treatment or to see a doctor. When the movie Jaws came out, Ricky had to have a Jaws game. I looked everywhere for that game. It took weeks, but I finally found it. Any member of the hospital staff that happened by was roped into playing Jaws …even the doctors on rounds took a turn. Ricky was also a good artist. His favorite subjects were football and Snoop...

From Take Care of My Child…for a While by Joyce Sawyer A flashing red light. The machine is malfunctioning! I awoke with a start. What a terrible dream.  Then I jumped out of bed. The machine was hidden from my bed but the light WAS flashing. The alarm had been turned off at some earlier time. I turned off the machine and ran for the nurse. The fluids had run dry and blood was being pumped out of Ricky. He had been on an electric IV machine for days. I rescued my boy. No, the dream had done it. Thank you, God, for a dream. I was often asked by the other mothers staying at the hospital how I could sleep at night and be awake instantly; how I managed without alcohol or drugs or even aspirin. I always said that it was because I believe in God and He is with us and He cares for us. He helped me through the long hours—Ricky’s torturous treatments and drug therapy, and the constant emotional strain.  Chapter 14 to follow

From Take Care of My Child…for a While by Joyce Sawyer When I had learned Ricky was to have surgery, I called Mom and Dad in Arizona where they were camped at a trailer park for the winter. I explained what Ricky would be going through and that I really needed help. I was becoming tired and there were many weeks ahead of hospital care. I felt I would need to be home once in a while and would need to get away from the hospital for short periods. When the ambulance returned to Children’s Hospital, Mom and Dad were there. I fell into Mother’s arms and cried and cried. Then I was able to go back to Ricky’s room and spend the night, waking every two hours to help to turn him and his heavy, wet cast. Those weeks of recovery were hard weeks. Dad was able to move Ricky better than any of us. He helped turn him in bed and later lifted him in and out of a wheel chair. Mom helped keep the parents’ Day Room clean, besides sitting with Ricky so I could get away now and then. Dad sta...

From Take Care of My Child…for a While by Joyce Sawyer We arrived on Lincoln’s birthday [1976]. Dr. Wilbur, the head of the Oncology unit, met us at the door. I must say, I was impressed. Stanford Children’s Hospital is a live-in hospital. Unlike the hospital in Kansas City, the parents all eat together in the Day Room. The food is sent up in big containers. Any child, able to get out of bed, can eat in the Day Room with his family. Parents also do as much of the care as they wish. This included giving medications and watching the IVs. the charts are always open to the parents. If there are any questions about what is written, a doctor or nurse will answer it. There are no secrets in this hospital. Sometimes I wished I didn’t know so much; the knowledge was painful. Now there were days of tests. Sometimes these were painful, and Ricky called the technicians “stupid idiots.” At first, I was really embarrassed, but then I realized Ricky needed some outlet for his frustr...

From Take Care of My Child…for a While by Joyce Sawyer In July, Ricky became worse again. An infection set in and his body had no defenses. He lay in the hospital for days hanging between life and death, but finally the antibiotics began to work and the fever broke. His own blood cells began building back. We began making plans for school and the third grade. We didn’t know if Ricky could be in a regular class because of all the days he would miss. He might be always falling behind. We decided to try it anyway. The teacher understood about Ricky and she explained to the class, especially about his loss of hair again and about the fragile condition of his neck. She also had a cot in the room so he could lie down when he needed to. Things went pretty well until after Christmas. Oh, there were a couple of days when I sent Ricky to the bus and he didn’t actually get on. He decided to lie down behind our house instead. The first time this happened, I was frantic. I called the neigh...

From Take Care of My Child…for a While by Joyce Sawyer Dale and I had felt the need for a parents’ group for a long time; other families that were experiencing what we were. There wasn’t such a group in our area. Dr. Serota said he knew there was a real need for this type of group, particularly among military families, where relatives are often miles or states away. When we started working on this project, the Red Cross and the professional medical people gave us very good support, but it still took months to get the group going. We finally had our first meeting. To our surprise, twenty-two people came. We discussed what help we could be to each other and what topics we would like to discuss at future meetings. The main thing was being able to express our feelings and frustrations and being able to learn how other parents dealt with the problems of children with cancer. The group met monthly and we felt it was a help to all of us. Chapter 10 to follow

From Take Care of My Child…for a While by Joyce Sawyer We got home at about the time everyone was talking about baseball. When the announcements came out about Little League, Ricky was determined to play. He kept asking if I had signed him up. I was asking myself, How is this boy ever going to play ball when he gets so sick every four weeks? But it was true that after the initial vomiting, he was in pretty good shape. So—I got his required birth records and went to the committee and explained about Ricky’s condition—that on certain days he wouldn’t be able to play, and he couldn’t tolerate the hot sun because of the radiation to his neck. Every day Ricky watched the bulletin board to see what team he was on. The lists finally came out. He was on the Twins team. The next Saturday we went to the baseball field and got his cap and yellow T-shirt, with his name in one corner and the Twins written across it. From then on, it was off to every practice a half hour early and ready...

From Take Care of My Child…for a While by Joyce Sawyer “Mom, I need someone my age to play with. I’m the only little kid in this family.” “That’s right.” “Why don’t you adopt a brother for me?” “Just like that.” “Sure.” “It isn’t that easy.” But soon Ricky had found a picture of a cute little seven-year-old boy in the Holt newsletter from Eugene, Oregon. He seemed just right. He was a Korean/black combination. While Ricky was thinking up a name for his new brother, I was writing for more information and for the necessary forms to fill out. It was only later we realized we could not carry through with our requests. Now for a while, life was fine. Ricky began to gain weight and get his strength back. His hair grew in and he seemed like the old Ricky again. Then one afternoon in April [1975], Ricky showed me some small blisters along his ribs. It was spring and he had been rolling in the grass, so I didn’t think too much about it. But the next morning there were mor...

From Take Care of My Child…for a While by Joyce Sawyer It was Wednesday. I was getting dinner ready. Rhonda and Dan weren’t home from work yet, but they would be at any time and they would be as hungry as bears. The phone rang. Dr. Waldman said he had the results of the biopsy. I held my breath. “It is a solid tumor in the lymph node.” “Is it benign?” (I had had two breast biopsies and the lumps were benign.) “No, this is malignant.” “You mean cancer? Ricky has cancer?” “Yes, that’s what I mean. He will have to have surgery on Friday at 8:00 to remove the rest of the lump.” I hung up and sat down. Dan walked in and asked, “What’s the matter, Mom?” I said, “Ricky has a tumor. It’s some form of cancer. The operation is Friday morning. We need to call your father.” Somehow we ate supper. No one was hungry. I tried to call Greenland, but there were no commercial lines going there. Then Rhonda called Bruce, a young lieutenant friend of the family. Bruce called his frien...

From Take Care of My Child…for a While by Joyce Sawyer “Ricky, stand up straight!” “Dan, have you noticed how Ricky lowers that left shoulder and walks sort of like a crab?” It seemed like I was always telling Ricky to stand up straight these days. I was afraid his back would grow crooked. He told me it felt better that way. I asked him where it hurt, and he said along the side of his neck and down his shoulder blade. I went to school and asked his teacher if the class had been doing any unusual gym activities. Yes, they had been doing somersaults and rolls. Well, that explained it. He had rolled wrong and pulled that shoulder. The teacher noticed Ricky had been going to the restroom and had been putting wet paper towels on his neck. I decided to get him to a doctor and see if something was pulled out of place. “I’m sorry, the doctor isn’t in, but the nurse will examine Ricky.” “Thank you.” “I can’t find anything wrong. Put heat on it and if it doesn’t clear up, come bac...

From Take Care of my Child…for a While by Joyce Sawyer It was now time for Ricky to be naturalized. My parents came to visit for the month of December, so they were in on the ceremony. I was sorry Dale couldn’t come home. I had Power of Attorney so I could sign for him. We all went in to the crowded court room in Kansas City. There were people there from many countries. Each one was given a small flag, a Declaration of Independence, and several other items, by the Daughters of the American Revolution. We waited and waited. Over an hour went by. Ricky was getting restless as he continued to roll up his flag or wave it around his head. The old judge finally arrived, and the attendant said, “All rise.” Ricky refused to stand up. What had gotten into that child? He said, in a loud whisper, “I’m not standing for any late, old judge.” I pulled him to his feet with firmness. The judge rambled on and on about how he had been a page in the Senate at Jefferson City and a lot of other fa...

From Take Care of My Child…for a While by Joyce Sawyer Before coming back to the States, we went to Expo '70 in Osaka. Diane was anxious to have a vacation because she had missed the last trip with the family. She had entered the hospital in May for the fusion of twelve vertebrae and had been in the hospital until October, and then continued to be in a hospital bed at home until January. She was still in the Milwaukee brace. At Expo, several people turned to look at our family, with a Japanese child in a stroller. One couple even told us they knew where his parents were. I guess they thought we had found a lost boy and they were going to help out. We learned the Japanese word for adopted ( YO-no ) in order to explain that Ricky was really ours. In August [1970], we took the ship President Cleveland to San Francisco. Dale drove to Richards-Gebaur AFB in Missouri, our new assignment. The children and I visited relatives on the coast in order for everyone to meet our newest fa...

From Take Care of My Child…for a While by Joyce Sawyer At first, our food and milk were too rich for him. I had also cut down on his rice too quickly. After a while we got all that remedied. The women of the Chapel gave us a shower and we received several much needed items. We had given our other baby things away many years before. After Ricky had been in our home for a month, the case worker came to see how we all were adjusting. Everything was going fine. After six months, she notified us that a date was set for us to appear in Family Court with Ricky. The date was in December. The judge would then make the final decision about the adoption. Usually, at this time, the natural mother may also come. If she can show she is now able to provide for her child, she may ask to be awarded him. The judge often rules in favor of the natural mother. Since Ricky’s mother had signed a release, we did not think she would show up. I dressed Ricky carefully and we drove to Tokyo. As we wait...

(From Take Care of My Child…for a While ) "How would you like to have a baby?" my husband asked. "A baby? I'm almost middle-aged, thirty-five, you know, and besides, I can't have any more babies. Remember the last one, born ten years ago, was hydrocephalic and brain damaged. I can't have any more babies." "He really isn't a baby anymore. He's a year old and he needs a home. He's been in an orphanage since birth and if nobody takes him he'll have to go to a different facility. He's getting too old for this one." So...it's a boy. We've been wanting another boy and we have talked about adopting. But I have this wonderful job teaching—just what I've always wanted—in a preschool/kindergarten.  “How did you find out about this baby?” “The Catholic sister who comes to the chapel once a month told me about him. He’s in a Catholic home, down by Tokyo. I said I’d talk to you about it. Will you go a...

In 1978, my mother, Joyce Sawyer, had a small book self published. It was entitled (as this blog post hints) Take Care of My Child ... for a While .* I typed the manuscript for her. On July 15, 1978, she gave me a copy of the finished work ... exactly two years after my 9-year-old brother's death. What follows is her inscription in that book and the chapters, one by one. I intend this to take the place of having the book reprinted, so that we can share it with family and friends who may have forgotten about Ricky's life. *I am correcting some grammar that was included in the original. For example, she titled the book with the word "Awhile" rather than the phrase "A While." Small thing, but I didn't catch it the first time around. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ (inscription) Dear Rhonda, You are part of this story. Now that you have a child, you know what it is to invest your life in another being and wha...

I remember the first time I felt God tugging at my heart. I was in third grade and sitting in a small church my father pastored in Montana. What was said I don't recall, but the thought kept running through my head and heart, "How could such a great God care for me?" By age 12 I had made a profession of faith and was baptized. But my heart was trying to live in two different worlds. My behavior belied my supposed belief. My sin was laid bare to the Lord, but I would be terribly embarrassed to enumerate them here. Jesus' sacrifice on behalf of my sin still cuts me to the quick when I stop long enough to think about it. My gratitude is what pushes me to service and to share. Fifty some years after that first perceived tug, I still struggle with how such a great God could love me. I have to rely on what Scripture says. That isn't easy, since "faith" scores lowest on my spiritual gifts assessment. If I should ever lose my memory, please just sing thi...

The face of radio is changing. Calling all prayer warriors! Well, that was not what we expected! If you read our Christmas 2018 "letter" you probably noticed that we were ready to kick 2018 out the door. What we DIDN'T expect was that 2019 would kick us down the stairs so soon. Don't get me wrong. We trust the hand of God, no matter where He leads. But it isn't always pleasant. First of all, we've been blessed with income and insurance for the 4 ½ years since Mark's "departure" from WMBI and transition to WYLL. (The astute reader will no doubt figure out where this is headed.) And Mark has no doubt been used by God in ways that we cannot see on this side of life, both through his opportunities to speak in public and primarily through his daily radio talk show on WYLL. So it came as quite a shock when Mark was given a handshake and a final check on Friday, January 4, with no forewarning or explanation. Corporate HR departments being w...

We are almost a week into the new year. Did you make any resolutions? I did not. But my hubby and I did decide that it would be prudent for us to divest of some of our stuff (okay, a LOT of our stuff) and to get our weight in order, so that we might ease off of some medications (that cost money). Long ago and far away, I taught a class that was more on the "why" of weight control (notice I didn't say "loss" since some people have issues in the opposite direction.). That leads to the HOW of weight control. First off, understand that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. We are no longer perfect, like Adam and Eve, but God has put certain systems into our bodies that give us signals as to what we need. 1. Stomach hunger: When one's blood sugar drops, it sends signals to the brain to start the stomach growling. Some of us may have never allowed ourselves to get to the growling stage. Perhaps you are even afraid of it. But remember, God has put this syst...